


let there be light (let me be right)

by necromantrix



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga), Devilman Crybaby - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon, Time Loop, more tags to be added as i write it, this loop is similar to canon and also very different
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13468932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/necromantrix/pseuds/necromantrix
Summary: The world feels empty.To Ryo, it feels as though there should be something else there—something that only he can detect. But there isn’t, and he can’t.He dreams of the cold, dark of loneliness, and then a bright, cold light coming to take everything away. The light feels like a home he’s been exiled from.Two moons in the sky. No demons hidden among the humans.Satan lives his life as Ryo once again, but this time there's no way to start the apocalypse.





	1. Chapter 1

The world feels empty.

To Ryo, it feels as though there should be something else there—something that only he can detect. But there isn’t, and he can’t.

“Do you think they’ll ever hit each other?” Akira asks. The two of them are lying on the grass and staring up at the two moons that illuminate the night sky.

“In millions of years, maybe,” Ryo answers. His tone, despite his six-year-old voice, makes the  _ maybe _ sound like it’s only a formality.

Akira makes the world feel a little less empty, but he doesn’t know it yet.

 

The orange light of the evening sun shines on the asphalt, the sound of three sets of shoes on the hard surface accompanied by the sound of a phone keyboard that hasn’t been silenced.

“Classes are getting so much harder,” Miko whines, earning a wry laugh from Miki.

“You’d have an easier time if you’d concentrate better!” Her tone is teasing, and she pinches at the other girl’s hip.

Miko giggles and swats her hand away, pursing her lips. “I’d have an easier time if  _ you _ weren’t beside me.”

Miki begins to form a response, but Akira’s soft “dammit" from right beside her catches the attention of both girls. “His flight already landed. I’ll see you at home, Miki!” Without any further explanation, he takes off at a run.

“Wait, Akira! My dad’s… home.” Miki huffs out a sigh, hoping Akira has enough sense to get a ride and not just run to the airport. With an inward shrug, she steps forward to continue the walk home.

“ _ His _ flight…?”

Miki nods, shifting her bag to her other shoulder. “His childhood friend. He lives over in the States with his parents and attends school there. They haven’t seen each other in person in two years.”

“Oh. That must be exciting, then.”

“He hasn’t shut up about it since they made the plans two months ago.” Her tone is endearing despite her attempt to make herself sound annoyed. She looks up at the dusk light filtering through the trees above her. One of the moons is already out.

 

He’s late. He’s so,  _ so _ late, and he should have just had Ryo take a cab to his house and not had the bright idea to make him wait for him to get to the airport just so they could head back together because he  _ knew _ the flight landed around the same time class lets out and he’s a damn idiot and wow his heart is racing. Akira practically stumbles into the airport.

 

He’s late. He’s so,  _ so  _ late, and Ryo smiles to himself at the thought. It’s the smallest tug at the corners of his lips, but it’s unmistakably a gentle smile. Typical of Akira, really. He’s probably an anxious mess because of it. No sooner than the thought hits him does he see the anxious mess himself, messed-up dark hair and his bookbag held in his hand. “Akira!” he calls, watching as he turns around.

The two stare at each other for a moment, the fifty feet between them so miniscule and yet so vast.

Seeing each other for the first time after two years is so strange. So little has changed but oh, so much has. These teen years mean growing is rapid and unpredictable, and there are so many changes to adjust to while everything also manages to be exactly the same.

Ryo steps forward to close the distance first, but Akira breaks into a run. They collide in a tight embrace, Ryo’s fingers almost gripping at the fabric of Akira’s shirt. The simple hug straightens his world out, grounding him. He’s needed this, desperately.

Ryo breaks the hug first, but it’s only so he can pull back to hold Akira at arm’s length, not letting go of his shoulders.

“It’s been a while,” Akira states, rather obviously.

“It has. I’m sorry,” he answers, and he means it. 

Akira smiles brightly, reaching over to grab the largest of Ryo’s two bags. “C’mon, let’s get going.”

 

He doesn’t belong here, Ryo realizes as he sits at the dinner table with Akira’s family. Miki’s family is there too, the second part of the joint-family household. He’s an outsider, only invited in by his connection to Akira. He knew it going in, but being there, surrounded by these people who all know each other so well, the reality of it sets in.

He stares down at his dinner, doing his best to follow the flow of conversation swirling around him.

“Miko and I took the scenic path home today,” Miki is saying. “It’s so beautiful when the sun’s setting!”

“We were wondering why you took so long getting home,” her dad admits.

Miki’s mother speaks up with, “You know how she loves her flowers.”

Miki nods, glancing down at her food to hide her blush. “She plans on going into botany in school.”

“Really? What about you, Ryo? Do you have any plans with school?”

“I’m in college already, actually. I skipped a few grades. I should be graduating soon with a degree in zoology.”

“That’s impressive,” Akira’s mother says, and his father nods in agreement.

Ryo can’t remember their names. He’s never deserved to know them. He glances at Akira to see the boy smiling warmly at him.

 

He seldom dreams.

Or, he used to seldom dream.

Now he dreams quite often, but he can’t make sense of them as anything except aimless nightmares.

Yellow blood. Heartbreaking loss. Cracked earth. Cold skin. 

Damnation to solitude.

He wakes up with salt on his cheeks and a pounding in his chest. His pulse is a rapid  _ thud thud thud _ in his ears, and he digs his fingertips into the sheets. The floor is cold beneath the pallet of blankets he’s sleeping on.

Sitting up, Ryo wipes his face and casts a glance up at Akira’s bed. Out cold.

He watches Akira sleep, marvelling at how peaceful he appears. How can he sleep so soundly when there’s something threatening to burst forth and destroy right beside him?

Ryo’s chest tightens.

How he knows he’ll hurt Akira is a mystery even to himself. It’s an innate feeling in his gut, in his brain. It’s a simple fact based on intuition with no reason to back it up.

When he eventually lays down and drifts back to sleep, he dreams of the cold, dark of loneliness, and then a bright, cold light coming to take everything away. The light feels like a home he’s been exiled from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i gonna finish this fic? i gotta, even if i have no idea how it ends (there are two possible outcomes i can foresee and i'm not sure which to go with)  
> anyway, comments are much appreciated and my tumblr is necromantrix if you wanna come ramble with me about nonsense and possibilities or whatever
> 
> this title was from "sun," by sleeping at last


	2. Chapter 2

He’s staying in Japan for a few months. When looking at internships he focused on finding one near Akira, just so they could see each other again for more than just a few days. It’s microbiology, so slightly more specific than his general zoology degree, but it’s interesting. It gives him something to do while Akira is at school, at least, and it’ll help him move up in his field.

Not that he genuinely cares about his field. He never has. He’s good at it—he’s always been a prodigy of a child—but it feels fleeting. Unimportant. Trivial. So small compared to…  _ something _ else. Something large and looming and resplendent. 

Still, microorganisms are rather fascinating in their simplicity.

Even such seemingly insignificant beings fight so fiercely for survival, even if they don’t have the consciousness to know what they’re fighting for.

 

Akira is bad at sports. That was always obvious. Neither him nor Ryo had been into athletics as children, and watching him practice baseball with the school team makes Ryo realize that not much has changed.

But he tries. He always tries.

Miki, on the other hand, is a star on the field, and Ryo wonders briefly if Akira only tries so hard in order to not let her down. They’ve always been close in a familial way; their connection has always made Ryo’s expression turn unreadable, even as children. She’s kind enough not to say anything when she catches him glaring at her down on the field, instead just returning his glare in stony silence.

Her eyes locked on his, she gives a powerful practice swing with her bat from where she stands on deck, waiting for her turn at home plate. Message given, she breaks eye contact.

He shifts his gaze to Akira, who smiles and waves at him from where he stands on first base. Ryo waves back, offering a smile in return.

 

“How is your school ranked?” Ryo asks. He’s standing to the edge of the group as they walk back to the house after practice. Akira walks beside him, the only one linking him to the trio of friends.

“We have a shot at the championship if we practice hard,” Miki says, adjusting her hold on her bag.

“Yeah. But our biggest competition has been doing real well.” Akira sounds a bit more hesitant to claim any possibility of doing well this season. He shrugs, wincing with a little smile.

“Oh, we can take them with Miki on our team!” Miko moves quickly to beside Akira, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. “She’s our Home Run Queen for a reason.” Her eyes are bright as she smiles at Miki, who blushes and shrugs off the compliment. She’s the star of the team, but she doesn’t bask in the glory of it.

“I can’t take them on alone, you know.”

“Don’t be modest! You’re the best player our school’s had in years!”

“Yeah, Miki! We wouldn’t have won a single game without you.”

“If you say so.”

 

“Are you sure I’m not intruding?” Akira asks from the passenger seat of the car. He’s concerned about others, as always.

“Of course not. I invited you.” It’s more comfortable to spend time with Akira without others around. Ryo doesn’t care about them the way he does Akira.

Akira nods, turning in his seat to face Ryo. “You have a nice car.”

Ryo almost laughs at the statement. It’s true, but there’s something amusing about the way Akira says it—he says it in a way that implies that Ryo cares about what kind of car he has, when in truth he has it because it’s fast, it handles well, and he can afford it. He doesn’t say  _ thank you. _ “Tell me, Akira, how have you been?”

Ryo’s eyes are locked on the road ahead, and he can feel Akira’s eyes on him. “I already told you, Ryo, I’ve been doing alright.”

There’s a strange sensation in Ryo’s chest. That isn’t the answer to the question he’s really asking, but he doesn’t even know what the question is himself. “That’s good,” he says, although his hands tighten on the wheel slightly as he puzzles over it.

“What… what about you?”

“I’ve been fine.”

It feels like talking in circles, with neither of them knowing what the point they’re so artfully moving around is.  _ Maybe it’s just me, _ Ryo thinks. Maybe it’s the same problem he’s always had—this feeling of not truly knowing himself. He’s unknowable, just as he’s always been unreadable.

Unreadable to everyone, including himself. Except Akira.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” He loosens his grip on the wheel. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to take your shoes off,” Ryo says at the door as he sets his bag down, and Akira stops with one foot off the floor.

“Are you sure?”

Ryo shrugs, stepping into the apartment with his shoes still on. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

He hears Akira step almost hesitantly onto the tile floor, his shoes still on. “You have a nice place.”

“My parents own it.” It’s not a complete lie. They own it, but they never use it, and so they’ve let it be his apartment without much discussion.

“Your parents?”

“I don’t see them much. They travel for work and I travel for school and research. I haven’t seen them in a year, at least.” Ryo makes his way into the kitchen, and Akira steps rapidly to follow him.

“Doesn’t that upset you?”

“No. We have our own lives.”

He can  _ feel _ Akira frowning as he thinks on this. Is it so strange to not see one’s parents? He glances over at Akira, and he realizes it must be.

It’s always been him seeing Akira’s parents, he remembers. Even as children, Akira only ever saw his hired caretaker. His parents don’t even know who Akira is; Akira’s parents have always known him. Even during the past two years, when their contact was limited to texting and email and the occasional video call, at least once every month Akira told him,  _ My parents say hi! _

“What are you feeling?”

He can see that Akira almost says  _ sad _ before he realizes that Ryo means what does he want for dinner. 

“Oh, um.” He wipes stubbornly at his right eye. “I’m fine with anything.”

Ryo opens the fridge and stares at its few contents. He closes it. “Let’s go get something.”

Akira laughs, and it’s halfway a sob as he wipes his eyes.

 

“What’re you working on?” Akira asks, leaning in close to Ryo on the couch. He peers at the computer screen, furrowing his brow at the scientific jargon he’s typing.

“It’s an email to one of my peers about lab research next week,” he explains. “I should have sent it earlier today.” He speaks as he types, fingers working quickly over the keyboard.

“Oh.” Akira yawns, moving closer to rest his head against Ryo’s shoulder. He closes his eyes, and Ryo stops his typing briefly. His own eyes glance sideways at Akira, although he doesn’t turn his head.

He resumes his typing for a few minutes longer. He sends the email and closes his laptop—careful not to move too much.

He’s not sure what to do from here, with Akira snoring gently against his shoulder. He feels something strange in his chest again, but this is almost warm. Tenderness, he thinks. Not wholly correct, but close enough for now, something in him whispers.

Carefully—oh, so carefully—he moves his arm so it wraps around Akira. In his sleep, he adjusts himself so his head is more comfortable on Ryo’s shoulder. It’s a terribly uncomfortable way to sleep, he knows as he rests his own head against Akira’s and closes his eyes, but that’s a problem for him in the morning.

 

Death. Destruction. Damnation.

Love and loss.

There are flashes of images that feel so real but so disconnected from his reality—from  _ this  _ reality. 

Violence. Blood. Light.

_ We will ruin everything. We will ruin him in our selfishness. We have before. We will again. _

His eyes open with a gasp. His heart pounds in his ears, and his arm is tight around Akira.

He can feel something within him awakening.

He swallows thickly and closes his eyes, breathing deeply to slow his breaths. 

He doesn’t loosen his grip on Akira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's the fastest i've ever updated with a new chapter, so be proud of me  
> i've sort of worked out where this is going, and it's..... something, i guess  
> it's an ending  
> there will probably be two or three more chapters as things flesh out, maybe more depending on how detailed i want this middle ground to be
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy!!


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